


Mission: Marriage

by The_Devil_In_The_Details_666



Series: All The Batfam BS [68]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Case Fic, Domestic, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Finishing a WIP before starting a new story? What's that like?, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Moving In Together, Mutual Pining, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24814558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666/pseuds/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666
Summary: Drugs, domesticity, and two oblivious dumbasses.(Or: Tim and Jason go undercover as a married couple in order to bust a drug ring. Feelings ensue.)
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake/Jason Todd
Series: All The Batfam BS [68]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514906
Comments: 33
Kudos: 402





	1. Chapter 1

Tim stared at the house he would be living in for the next who-knows-how-many months, the sun warming his air-conditioning chilled skin. It was a smallish house, two bedrooms and two and a half bathrooms, with a gray-painted exterior and a bright red door. He could hear Jason talking to the real estate agent behind him, then Jason wrapped an arm around his shoulders and asked, “Ready to move in, babe?”

Tim jolted at the sudden touch, then faked a laugh and answered, “Of course, darling.”

He turned to the box truck full of small bits of furniture and belongings suitable for a normal, newly married young couple, and Jason pressed a kiss to the side of his head, heading to unlock the front door and check that all the big furniture had been delivered like Bruce had promised. Tim opened the back door of the box truck and sighed, then grabbed the first box, wondering how he had gotten himself into this hellish situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Tim. Jason. You two will be going undercover for a mission.”_

_Tim glanced at Bruce, then returned his gaze to the gash down Jason’s arm and asked, “What’s the case?”_

_ Bruce looked troubled, answering, “People have been dying from an unknown drug in a Metropolis suburb and Superman has requested assistance in locating the culprits. You and Jason will be playing Timothy and Jason Blake, a recently married couple who are looking to start a family in Metropolis. You are to integrate with the residents and find the party responsible. Discretion is key.” _

_Jason looked up sharply and snapped, “Now wait just a fuckin’ minute, Old Man. Why’ve we gotta play husbands? We could just as easily be brothers, roommates, or literally any other relationship.”_

_Tim tried to ignore the sting in his chest at the clear reminder that Jason wasn’t into him as Bruce replied, “Demographically, the neighborhood you will be in is almost entirely young married couples. As a married couple, you will be able to better integrate into the community.”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim was jerked out of his memories by a perky female voice greeting, “Hi! You must be our new neighbor!”

He turned and found himself staring at a blonde woman in her early twenties. He gave her a small smile and answered, “Yep. I’m Timothy Blake, but you can call me Tim. It’s nice to meet you.”

She grinned brightly at him, chirping, “Jessica Mathers. Is it just you or…?”

Tim gave a fake little laugh and answered, “My husband is in the house.”

Jessica’s eyes darted over his shoulder, widening slightly, but before Tim could turn around, an arm wrapped around his waist and a chin rested on the top of his head as Jason teased, “Speak of the devil and he shall appear, babe.”

He kissed the side of Tim’s head, then released Tim as Tim tried to remember that it was all just an act and shook his head slightly to clear it as Jason talked with Jessica.


	2. Chapter 2

Tim was snapped out of his thoughts as Jason said, “That sounds great. What do you think, babe?”

Tim blinked at him, trying to figure out what he was referring to, and finally asked, “Sorry, what? I spaced out.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, looking slightly worried, and replied, “Jessica invited us over for dinner tonight, since our kitchen won’t be set up and usable until tomorrow at the earliest. Are you feelin’ alright, babe?”

Tim gave a smile and answered, “I’m fine, love, just tired from the drive. And that sounds like fun.”

Jason hummed, then stepped forward and plucked the box from Tim’s hands, ordering, “Go lay down on the couch for a bit. I can unload the truck.”

Tim started to protest that he was fine, but Jason flapped a hand at him, dismissing, “Get going, babe. Don’t think I’m above carrying you.”

Tim frowned at Jason and Jason raised an eyebrow, challenging Tim. After several long seconds of staring, Tim caved, retreating into the house to lay down on the couch. A few minutes later, Jason followed, carrying a box, with Jessica and a brunette man just behind him with boxes. Jason directed them to set the boxes against the wall, then walked over to the couch as Jessica and the man walked back out and leaned down like he was pressing a kiss to Tim’s forehead. Instead, he muttered, “The fuck’s up with you, Timbo?”

Tim felt a flush rise in his cheeks and Jason frowned, asking, “Shit, are you running a fever? Dammit, Tim, have you been taking your medicine?”

Tim brought one arm up to drape over his eyes so he didn’t have to look at Jason, and, through gritted teeth, answered, “I’m fine. I can help unload the truck.”

“Stay put, Timbourine. You can start opening boxes and figuring out where they go.”

Tim frowned, but accepted the permanent marker that Jason pulled from his pocket. Jason also pulled a karambit from his pocket and, at Tim’s baffled glare, explained, “To cut open the tape.”

Tim took a deep breath in through his nose, then answered, “No. Put that away. I will use scissors. You know, like a  _ normal person. _ "

Jason stuck his tongue out childishly, but slid the knife back into his jacket pocket, pulling out a pair of scissors instead. Tim stared at the scissors for a long moment, hearing footsteps entering the house, then brought one hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose and calmly stated, “Never mind. I give up. Just give me the stupid scissors and get unloading.”

Jason handed over the scissors, laughing, and headed out as Tim began slitting boxes open and digging through them, trying to ignore the warmth blooming in his gut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Between Jason, Jessica, and who Tim learned was Jessica’s husband Daniel, it only took half an hour to get everything unloaded. Jessica and Daniel made their way back to their own house and Tim quickly swept the house for surveillance equipment again, just to be safe, before rounding on Jason and ordering, “If you get our suitcases up to the office, I’ll grab the casefiles.”

Jason rolled his eyes, but grabbed the two reinforced suitcases containing everything an undercover vigilante could need and hauled them up the stairs as Tim grabbed the two boxes of casefiles. The second bedroom turned office was big enough for two desks with nice desk chairs, two large filing cabinets, and, to Tim’s delight, a massive beanbag that he could curl up on while working. It also contained a large wooden cabinet with a false back, in which Jason began immediately organizing their supplies. Tim set to work sorting the casefiles and putting them in the filing cabinet and they worked in silence for awhile before Jason asked, “So, the fuck is your deal, Timbo? You’ve been acting weird all day. Well. Weirder than normal. It’s not that bad pretending to be married to me, is it?”

The question was asked in a joking tone, but Tim could hear the insecurity underneath it, prompting him to answer, “No, no, it’s not that. It’s just… Weird. I’m not used to all the love stuff, you know? It’ll take me a bit to adjust. And being thrown into the case with a 24-hour warning doesn’t really help.”

Jason narrowed his eyes and Tim avoided his gaze, looking back down at the stack of files in his hands. Then Jason asked, “Is this because you and the Super-Clone are together? You feel weird pretending to date another guy?”

The files slipped from Tim’s hands and color rose in his cheeks as he squeaked, “I’m not dating Conner!”

“Uh-huh, sure. I won’t give you shit for dating a guy, Timbo.”

Tim glared at Jason and protested, “Seriously, I’m not dating him! We’ve kissed once while drunk and he’s accompanied me to a handful of Bruce’s parties, but that’s it! He’s straight and I- Never mind. But we’re not dating!”

Jason leaned on the desk, crossing his arms and stating, “You steal his shirts all the time. And you always smile when he texts you.”

“Because he sends me memes and pictures of animals he sees, you fucking idiot! And I steal  _ everyone’s _ clothes! Practically every shirt I own is stolen from someone else!”

Jason cocked an eyebrow, but finally shrugged and stated, “Whatever, kid. Better adjust quick. We have dinner in a few hours.”

Tim massaged his forehead with the heel of his hand and they lapsed back into silence for a few more minutes before Jason opened his big mouth again.

“Which part are you having trouble adjusting to?”

Tim sighed, closing his eyes briefly, and finally decided that a half-truth was best. 

“The whole touchy-feely-affection thing. I didn’t grow up with it and it’s a bit… It’s strange. Steph and I were never like that and she’s my only real dating experience.”

Jason was silent for a few long seconds and finally, asked, “Want me to stop? With the touching and stuff?”

Tim hesitated, then answered, “No, it’s okay. I’m okay.”

“You sure, Timbers?”

Tim nodded and pushed himself to his feet, stating, “I’m gonna go get the beds made.”

Jason raised an eyebrow and Tim spun on his heel, retreating from the room and making his way to the bedroom. When he reached the bedroom, however, he was confronted with not two queen beds like he had expected, but a singular king bed and two nightstands. He closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths, and finally reopened them, prying open the box of sheets and pillows. He made the bed, piling his blankets on his side before collapsing face-first into the pile and sighing, “I’m so fucked.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim had just finished hanging their clothes in the closet when Jason called, “Dinner time, Timberly.”

Tim groaned, then took a deep breath and schooled his face into a friendly facade, heading down and grabbing Jason’s hand, chirping, “Ready, darling?”

Jason raised an eyebrow, but rolled with it, answering, “Of course, sweetheart.”

They walked out of the house, locking the door, and headed over to the pristinely white house they were having dinner at. The door opened barely a second after Jason knocked and Daniel smiled brightly at them, greeting, “Jason, Tim, right on time! Come on in, Jess and I were just finishing the casserole and potatoes.”

Jason hummed, answering, “Sounds fantastic.”

Tim lost track of the conversation, glancing around the house and making mental notes. Beige walls, a side table with a few envelopes and a little box holding keys, and a small shoe rack. It was almost unnervingly normal, but Tim couldn’t spot anything obviously off and tapped an all-clear on Jason’s palm. Jason squeezed his hand and Tim tuned back into the conversation just as Daniel asked, “So, Tim, do you cook at all?”

Jason snorted, bringing one hand up to his mouth to muffle his snickers, and Tim lightly elbowed his side, answering, “I’m not allowed to make anything more complicated than microwave meals due to some, uh,  _ kitchen mishaps _ in the past.”

Daniel raised an eyebrow and Jason chimed in, “You, my dearest, are utterly hopeless in the kitchen.”   
  


“I’m not that ba-”

“Honey. Garlic. Shrimp. I was picking shrimp out of my hair for _hours,_ babe.”

Tim pouted, leaning against Jason and muttering mutinously, “At least I’m better than Dick.”

“Like that’s hard?”

Daniel laughed and he and Jason chattered with each other as they entered the kitchen, where Jessica was pulling a bright white casserole dish out of the oven. She gave them a bright smile and they all settled at the table, dividing up the casserole and potatoes. As they ate, Jessica asked, “So, what brought you two from Gotham to Metropolis?”

Jason shot Tim a look, then answered, “We loved Gotham really, but we decided that, after everything that happened, Gotham wasn’t really the best place for us to be living.”

Jessica’s brows furrowed in concern and Tim faked a shiver, then put on a cheerful front and asked, “So, what all is there to do around here?”

The discussion turned to gyms, parks, and golf courses and Tim made careful mental notes of where to investigate. The dinner passed quickly and Tim and Jason were soon making their excuses to return to their own house, promising to meet Jessica and Daniel for a jog at 6:30 the next morning. They retreated to their own house and Jason gave a quick sweep, then turned to Tim and asked, “What’s going on in that big bird brain of yours, Timmers? I can see the gears turning.”

“We should investigate the spa they mentioned. And update the files. If you can get us an appointment at the spa, I can write up a preliminary report and deal with all the Bruce bullshit.”

Jason grinned, ruffling Tim’s hair and answering, “This is why you’re my favorite, Tim-Tam. I’ll check the website.”


	3. Chapter 3

Tim was curled in his beanbag, typing madly, when Jason returned to the office with a glass of water and Tim’s pill case. Tim scrunched his nose up at the pill case, but obediently took them before stating, “Dick says hi.”

Jason settled into his desk chair and propped his feet on the desk, answering, “Cool. We should probably go to bed relatively early, unless you want to go for a jog with the neighbors on ten minutes of sleep.”

“I swing between buildings on less. You can go to bed, I’m gonna run some soil and water samples, see if the drug is present in them.”

Jason raised an eyebrow and drummed his fingers on the desk, asking, “Think the drug could be in food?”

Tim froze, his fingers stilling on the keyboard, and looked at Jason, then set his laptop aside and asked, “Why? Are you feeling sick? Dammit, we should know better than to accept food from-”   
  


“Whoa, whoa, slow your roll there, Timbit. I feel fine, I was just thinking aloud.”

Tim felt his pulse slow at the reassurance, then sighed and stated, “You raise a good point, though. We should make sure to check all of our food. And I’m gonna need blood and hair samples from you. And maybe urine and saliva samples, too.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and answered, “Sure, whatever. Gimme a cup and all that, then you can get the blood and hair and shit.”

“I don’t need a stool sample.”

Jason shot Tim an unimpressed look and reached out to smack him on the arm, then took the cup and retreated to the bathroom. Tim made quick work of collecting samples from himself, then prepped the equipment as Jason returned with a cup of urine. He took the hair, blood, and saliva samples from Jason, then set the tests running. Jason leaned on the desk, watching him, and Tim forced himself to ignore how stupidly attractive Jason looked, focusing on the results of the blood tests. A chill went down his spine as he looked at the results of Jason’s blood test and he stated, “Jay. You came up positive for the drug.”

Jason’s whole body tensed and he muttered a few curses under his breath, asking, “Any idea how to get it out of my system?”

Tim hesitated, then answered, “B has an experimental counter-agent, but we don’t know if it’ll work.”

Jason shrugged, answering, “Better to try it.”

Tim nodded and retrieved the case with the counter-agent. He prepared the syringe, then turned to Jason and asked, “Ready?”

Jason pulled up his sleeve for Tim to administer the counter-agent and Tim stepped forward, injecting it and stating, “B said we’ll know in about half an hour. I need you to make a list of everything you’ve eaten, drank, and come into contact with so we can see if we can narrow down where it came from.”

Jason nodded and Tim passed him a notebook and pen, then returned to the water and soil samples.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Half an hour later, Tim took another blood sample to test. Jason was pacing nervously, comparing his list to Tim’s list, and Tim drummed his fingers anxiously as the computer ran its analysis. The results popped up on the screen and Tim felt a wave of relief wash over him as he stated, “You’re clean, Jay.”

Jason let out a relieved breath and held up the lists, stating, “I have it narrowed down to a few things that I ate that you didn’t. A slice of bread from the loaf that was in the kitchen when we got here, the cheese that was in the fridge when we got here, and the strawberry lemonade they served at dinner.”

Tim hummed thoughtfully and ordered, “Go grab the bread and cheese you ate from. I’ll test both of those.”

Jason quickly retrieved the bread and cheese and handed them over, stating, “Finish those tests, then we need to go to bed.”

Tim hummed and began running tests on the cheese and bread, answering, “I’ll take the couch tonight and you can take the bed. Then we can trade tomorrow night.”

He just barely caught Jason rolling his eyes and Jason commented, “It’s a fuckin’ king bed, dumbass. We can share.”

Tim looked at him, then sighed and answered, “Yeah, you’re right.”

Jason nodded and Tim looked back at the samples he was testing, fighting down the blush threatening to rise up in his cheeks. Jason leaned over his shoulder and Tim tried to stop his heart from racing at Jason’s warm chest against his back. The computer beeped and Tim looked at the results, stating, “The bread and cheese are clean, which leaves the lemonade.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over them and Jason sighed, then replied, “We’ll deal with the implications of that in the morning. Right now, bed.”

Tim nodded and began cleaning up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim woke up with Jason curled around him, both of them hopelessly tangled in blankets. The doorbell was ringing and Tim blinked sleepily, then jerked awake and scrambled out of the bed, tripping on the blankets and toppling onto the floor as Jason jerked up and pulled a gun from somewhere in the bed, asking blearily, “Wha’s goin’ on?”

Tim untangled himself from the blankets and answered, “We forgot to set an alarm. You get dressed, I’ll go grab the door.”

He darted down the stairs, socked feet sliding on the hardwood and sending him crashing into the door. He could make out the shape of Daniel and Jessica through the glass panels and scrabbled to unlock the door, throwing it open and stating apologetically, “I’m so sorry. Jay and I forgot to set an alarm last night and we just woke up.”

Jessica gave him a bright smile, answering, “It’s alright, it happens. We can come back later or-”

“No, that’s alright. It’ll only take us a few minutes to get ready. You can come on in if you’d like.”

He showed the pair into the mostly bare living room as Jason came down, dressed in jogging pants and a red hoodie. He kissed Tim’s cheek and Tim headed up the stairs, swapping his sweatpants (stolen from Dick) and t-shirt (possibly one of Bruce’s, Tim wasn’t really sure) for a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt that honestly could’ve come from any of the Teen Titans, given that Tim had seen nearly all of them wearing it at one time or another. He took a minute to brush his teeth and pull his hair into a messy little bun, then pulled on a pair of socks and running shoes. He shoved his phone and a couple sample collection vials in his pockets, then joined the trio downstairs. Jason was chatting amiably with Daniel and Jessica and, as Tim entered, he asked, “Really? You grew the strawberries yourself?”

Daniel nodded and answered, “Yeah, there’s a community garden for the neighborhood not far from here. We can take you by there if you’re interested.”

“That sounds great. I’ve always enjoyed gardening and I managed to drag Tim into it kicking and screaming.”

They all laughed and Tim felt like he was in a sitcom as they trooped out of the house and began jogging.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they reached the community garden, Jessica opened the gate and led them in, pointing to an empty plot and stating, “That one is yours. The shed had free fertilizer and hoses for use and you can also buy seeds from them.”

Tim nodded along and Jason made his way over to the plot, surreptitiously scooping some dirt into a vial that Tim had given him and tucking it into his hoodie. Then he returned to the trio, asking, “You mentioned they provide fertilizer. Is it any good?”

Daniel nodded, launching into a spiel about NPK ratios and soil pH balances that Tim would find interesting if not for having heard a similar spiel one too many times from Alfred. He wandered into the shed, making it look as natural as possible, and collected samples of the fertilizer and water from the hoses, then wandered back out in time to catch the tail end of Daniel’s speech. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Some of you may get two update notices for this chapter. That's because your favorite writing goblin somehow managed to delete this chapter while trying to fix a typo and had to re-post it. Sorry if any of you got excited about two chapters in a day.

After their jog, Tim and Jason returned to the house with just enough time to get ready before their spa appointment. As they pulled up outside the spa building, Tim passed Jason a watch with a built-in scanner that would record the chemical makeup of anything that touched it and send it to their computer for analysis. Jason hooked it around his wrist and took a deep breath, starting, “Don’t kill me, but-”

“Everytime you start a sentence like that, I end up wanting to kill you.”

“Shut up. As I was saying, don’t kill me, but I booked us a couples spa package.”

Tim raised an eyebrow and Jason looked distinctly guilty, continuing, “And, uh, I know it’ll be a little weird having to be naked in a sauna together and-”

“You are aware that I’ve seen you naked before, right? Like, a lot. We’ve been sharing showers in the Cave for like 5 years and I’ve given you a prostate exam. There is literally nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“You’ve never had to kiss me while naked.”

Tim’s heart skipped a beat at the mental image that immediately popped into his head, but he squashed it down and answered, “I am perfectly able to remain professional, Jason. Or are you saying that you’re not comfortable with it?”

Jason looked surprised and answered, “I’m fine with it. I just figured, what with you being a virgin and all-”

“I’m not a virgin.”

Jason raised an eyebrow and Tim felt a flush creeping up his neck as he insisted, “I’m not! I’ve had sex before, you ass!”

“Right. Well, you already told me that it wasn’t with the Super-Clone and Steph told me that you and her never got it on, so who was it? Tam? Bart? That one chick, Adriana or whatever her name was?”

The blush reached Tim’s cheeks as he slunk down in his seat and mumbled, “I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember. Right. Sure. Wait, was it a villain or something? Is that why you don’t wanna tell me? Cause I don’t really have room to judge, considering-”

The blush flared brighter and Tim yelped, “Now really isn’t the time, Jason!”

“That’s what it was, wasn’t it? You, little Timmy Drake, fucked a villain?”

Tim slunk down in his seat, covering his face with both hands, and whined, “I hate you so much.”

“Who was it? Deathstroke? Ivy? Harley?”

Tim gave another whine, then answered, “If I tell you, will you promise to _never_ bring it up again?”

Jason held out his hand, one pinky extended, and stated, “Pinky promise. Now spill. Who was it?”

Tim shook Jason’s pinky, then sighed, “It was a one night stand and, in my defense, I didn’t know who he was at the time. It was before he showed up on our radar.”

“Quit stalling and gimme a damn name, Timbers.”

“Alberto Falcone.”

The noise that came out of Jason was half laugh, half strangled cat, and Tim covered his face with his hands, exclaiming, “I was 16 and all I knew was his first name!”

“You fucked Carmine Falcone’s son? Damn, Timberly, that takes balls.”

Tim swatted at Jason, still hiding his flushed face in one hand, and half-shouted, “Shut up! Oh my god, Jason, why are you such an asshole! Let’s just go in and get this over with, you jerk!”

Jason cackled and Tim opened his door, getting out of the car and walking swiftly into the spa lobby. Jason caught up quickly, wrapping an arm around Tim’s waist, and teased, “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, babe. Trust me, I’ve got no room to judge.”

Tim elbowed him in the gut and Jason laughed, capitulating, “Alright, alright, I get it. Was it at least a good-”

“Finish that question and I swear to god I’ll make you _wish_ that I killed you.”

Jason laughed as they reached the front desk and checked in. The woman working at the desk directed them into a small back room with two cushy chairs and a plate of fancy cheese, telling them that their masseuses would be with them soon. As they entered the room, Jason teased, “You’ll make me wish you had killed me, huh? And what’s a skinny little squirt like you gonna do to the big bad- Oomph!”

Tim smirked down at Jason from where he was sitting on Jason’s chest, having swept Jason’s legs out from under him, and leaned down so their noses were nearly brushing, whispering, “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

Jason blinked up at Tim, a flush rising in his cheeks, and his eyes flickered to Tim’s lips. Tim felt a blush rise in his own cheeks and gathered his courage. Just as he was about to press his lips to Jason’s, however, the door opened and two men in polo shirts entered. Tim scrambled off of Jason, face hot, and avoided eye contact with the two employees, who both looked distinctly embarrassed. Jason stood, a smug smirk on his face, and the taller of the two employees, a blonde man whose name tag read “Mike”, cleared his throat, introducing, “Uh, I’m Mike and this is Evan. We’re your masseuses today.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The spa ended up completely clean of drugs. The massages were excellent, though, and Tim collapsed on the bed as soon as they got back to the house, mumbling, “‘M gonna sleep for a bit. Wake me up for dinner.”

Jason flopped on the bed beside him and answered, “I’ll set an alarm.”

Tim caught glimpses of Jason fiddling with his phone, but sleepily settled into the mattress, letting sleep wash over him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim woke up to Jason’s phone blasting the sound of trumpets. Jason was laying halfway on top of him and Tim sleepily shoved at him, mumbling, “Get off me, you lump.”

In response, Jason shifted to squash him further, muttering, “Fuck off.”

Tim shoved at him and Jason finally rolled off of him, reaching over to turn off the alarm and getting up to shamble into the bathroom. Tim sprawled on the bed, listening to the toilet flush and the sink turn on, and felt his cheeks heat up as he thought about the almost-kiss in the spa. The bathroom door opened and Jason swatted Tim’s leg a second later, ordering, “Hey, Nerd Bird, you’ve got samples to test. Quit daydreaming and get to it.”

Tim sighed and pushed himself up, heading to the spare bedroom as Jason made his way down to the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, Tim headed down into the kitchen, hopping up onto the counter and stating, “The fertilizer is loaded with the drug. It must get absorbed by the plants and-”

“And when people eat the plants, they get dosed. Damn. That’s clever. Fucked up, but clever.”

Tim hummed and answered, “Now that we know the how, we have to figure out the who.”

Jason nodded, stirring a pot on the stove, and answered, “We should ask Jessica and Daniel, see if they know who supplies the fertilizer.”

“They could be in on it. We can’t risk tipping them off.”

Jason hummed thoughtfully and put the lid on the pot he was stirring, then made his way over to the backyard door and peered out, stating, “We’ve got a pretty big backyard. Plenty of room for a personal garden.”

Tim raised an eyebrow at Jason’s back and asked, “Okay? And your point is…?”

“We should see where the community garden gets their fertilizer. Daniel said it was good and we can get some for our garden.”

Tim hummed thoughtfully, swinging his legs, and finally answered, “Yeah, alright. That’s a pretty good plan.”

“I’m not nearly as dumb as you people seem to think I am.”

Tim frowned at that and argued, “You’re not dumb. Impulsive and sometimes a dumb ass, yes, but we all know you’re smart. Both book smart and street smart.”

Jason rolled his eyes and Tim picked up a piece of bell pepper stem, flicking it at Jason and stating, “You’re smart and I will not hear otherwise, Jason.”

“Try telling Bruce that.”

Tim flicked another piece of bell pepper stem at Jason’s face, then asked, “What’s in the pot?”

“Chicken stew. Don’t worry, I bought all the ingredients at the store.”

Tim hummed thoughtfully and stated, “I should still probably test them. Just to be safe.”

“Whatever floats your boat, Spleenless Wonder. Take the scraps and do your sciencey things.”

Tim stuck his tongue out at Jason, but grabbed a plastic bag and collected a handful of scraps from the counter, retreating up to the spare bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr is The-Devil-In-The-Details-666 if anyone wants to come say hello! I love hearing from y'all.

The next few days passed in a blur of getting to know the neighbors, the most Stepford-esque people Tim had ever met, and setting up their new garden. Jason had casually asked Daniel about where the community garden got their fertilizer from, explaining that they were planning to set up a little herb garden in their backyard because “the community garden is a bit of a walk to get fresh herbs while I’m making dinner, y’know”, and had gotten the contact information for a small retailer based in the outskirts of Metropolis. The retailer did delivery only, which was a little sketchy, and it was decided that they needed to go investigate the retailer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re out of your mind, Jason! You cannot honestly be considering going alone!”

Jason continued loading his nondescript black outfit with nondescript, untraceable gear and answered, “I need someone to watch the cameras and run comms. Besides, in case you hadn’t noticed, you’re famous, _Timothy Drake-Wayne_. If we get caught and you get recognized, it’ll bring this whole charade down around our ears. I’m dead, remember? No one knows or cares who I am and unless this retailer is connected to the League, they won’t be able to figure it out even with all the technology in the world. And if they are connected to the League, we’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

Tim made a gesture that indicated he was _definitely_ considering strangling Jason and growled, “You are the most irresponsible, reckless, impossibly stubborn sack of-”

He broke into a flurry of curses that switched between languages almost too quickly for Jason to follow and Jason raised an eyebrow as he picked up his modified Red Hood helmet, which was black instead of red and just different enough to not be recognizable. Tim snatched the helmet from his hands and snarled, “You are _not_ going alone, Jason! You’re more likely to get caught than I am, Mr. Routinely-Blows-Up-Warehouse! You wouldn’t know subtlety if it kicked you in the nuts!”

Jason grabbed the helmet back and answered, “I think you’re forgetting that I was trained by the League of Assassins, Tim Thumb. The Hell’s your deal, anyway? You’ve been fine with me going into places like this alone in the past.”

Tim clenched and unclenched his fists like he was considering decking Jason right then and there, then let out a breath and deflated, stating, “I don’t want you to get hurt. It’s one thing for you to go in alone in Gotham, where there’s enough of us that backup can reach you within 10 minutes pretty much no matter where you are in the city. It’s another when your only back-up is an hour away.”

Jason’s heart clenched at the admission and, not even thinking about the action after days of putting on the show for the neighbors, he leaned down to kiss Tim before answering, “I trust you to have my back, Baby Bird.”

The second he realized what he had just done, Jason felt his whole face flush red. Tim was equally red, flushed to the tips of his ears and looking adorably stunned, and Jason immediately started for the door, babbling, “Right, well, I’d better get going. Uh, I’ll, uh, call you when I get to the place.”

In a heartbeat, he was slipping out the window and heading towards the nearby mall, where he had his bike parked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jason reached the address they had dug up for the fertilizer company, Green Thumb Agriculture, he was distinctly underwhelmed. It was a warehouse, hardly any different than the ones in Gotham, with a steel roof and windows set high up on the building. Jason switched to thermal, searching for heat signatures, and, as he found it empty and started scaling the wall to slip in through the windows, Tim asked, “You know we’re gonna have to talk about it, right?”

His sudden voice nearly startled Jason into falling off the side of the building and he swore viciously, then continued climbing and answered, “Talk about what, Nerd Bird?”

“The fact that you kissed me and then immediately ran off.”

“We _really_ don’t have to talk about it.”

Tim was silent for several long, awkward seconds, during which Jason slid through the window and began creeping along the steel rafters. The interior of the warehouse looked distinctly like a meth lab mixed with a fertilizer factory and Jason crept along the beams, taking pictures. Once he had photographed everything in the main part of the warehouse, he dropped down and headed over to the office, crouching down to pick the lock. The lock had just popped open when Tim quietly stated, “I liked it.”

Jason promptly tripped over the edge of the office rug and hit the filing cabinet with a bang.

“You fucking _what_?”

He could practically hear Tim squirming uncomfortably, then Tim repeated, “I liked it. I liked you kissing me. I liked you calling me Baby Bird. I like you, okay?”

Jason opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to remember how to use his words, and Tim finally squeaked, “Sorry, that was- I shouldn’t’ve- Forget I said anything!”

Tim’s backtracking managed to shake Jason out of his stupor and he was about to admit to his own desire for their relationship to be more than just an act when something hit the back of his helmet and sent him sprawling, just barely clinging to consciousness as the sound of his helmet cracking reached him. He heard Tim shout something in the comms, but another blow to the back of the helmet turned his vision black as he lost consciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason woke up tied to a chair, his helmet half-shattered. He could feel the dried blood on his face, no doubt from the polycarbonate of the helmet cutting him, and was suddenly deeply grateful he had worn a domino, if only for the fact that the lenses of the mask protected his eyes from the shards of the helmet. His head ached like a motherfucker and he was disoriented and dizzy as shit, his vision blurry from what was no doubt one hell of a concussion as he looked at the two men in front of him. One was big, close to Jason’s size, with a steel baseball bat over one shoulder. The other was shorter and scrawnier, with thinning gray hair and a white lab coat. They were arguing and, as the ringing in his ears started fading, the scrawnier one snapped, “No, we’re not going to kill him yet! He’ll be perfect to test the new formula on!”

The bigger one scowled, but acquiesced. Jason swallowed past the knot in his throat at the thought of being used to test drugs, then chimed in, “Yeah, I’ll have to pass. I made a drug-free pledge in elementary school and I’d really hate to-”

The bigger one jabbed the bat into Jason’s solar plexus and Jason cut off with a wheeze, curling in on himself and coughing. By the time he managed to straighten back up, the smaller one was holding a large plastic syringe of clear fluid. It looked a bit like a larger version of the syringe Damian used to feed the newborn kittens he had rescued a few months prior and Jason was about to crack a joke when the scrawnier one ordered, “Open his mouth.”

The larger one stepped forward and pressed his fingers on either side of Jason’s jaw, pushing in until he was able to force Jason’s mouth open. Before Jason could fight back, the scrawnier one rushed forward and jammed the syringe into Jason’s mouth, shoving it back until Jason almost choked before pressing the plunger in and forcing the clear fluid down Jason’s throat. Once the syringe was empty, he pulled it out and checked his watch. Everything started getting hazy and floaty in a way that wasn’t from the concussion and Jason had just enough time to think about how pissed Tim would be before the drugs really kicked in.


	6. Chapter 6

Tim was going to kill Jason. He was going to rescue Jason from whatever pit of shit Jason had gotten himself neck deep into this time, drag him back to their house, and then murder him and bury his stupid handsome butt in the garden.

Okay, so  _ maybe  _ Tim was overreacting, just a little. Sue him. He liked Jason (usually) and, even if Jason didn’t feel the same, Tim still cared about the giant skunk-haired dipshit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim crept through the window of the small pharmaceutical company where the tracker in Jason’s helmet had last pinged and made quick work of hacking his way into the security feeds, flicking through the various cameras until a grainy, black-and-white feed of Jason tied to a chair in the middle of a large, mostly empty room popped up. There was a large man in the corner of the feed and a scrawny man who Tim vaguely recognized pacing in front of Jason, who, even through the grainy feed, looked like shit. Tim glanced at the camera’s location, the basement, then headed down, gearing up for a fight. He made his way quickly and silently down the stairs, slipping through the door into the large, open basement. He kept to the shadows as he snuck around the edge of the wide open room and, as he got close enough to actually see Jason’s face, his stomach sank. His helmet was mostly shattered and the shards of it had sliced his face open pretty badly, dried blood crusting most of his face. He still had his domino on, but even with it, Tim could tell that Jason was either concussed, drugged out of his mind, or, most likely, both. Jason was slumped in the chair, wrists bound behind him and words slurring as he mumbled, “‘S ‘kay, Baby Bird’ll come get me.”

The shorter man in the lab coat, who Tim finally realized was Dr. Ruslan Muratov, a former scientist for one of Wayne Enterprises’ pharmaceutical subsidiaries who had been fired for some reason that Tim couldn’t remember, snapped his head to look at Jason and asked, “And who exactly is this ‘Baby Bird’, hmm?”

Jason started giggling, his head lolling backwards as he rambled, “He’s my husband, but not really, but I  _ want _ him to be my really-husband, cause he’s all small and cute and smart and I just wanna… I just  _ really, really, really _ wanna hug him and kiss him and maybe fuck him. Or let him fuck me, I’m not picky.”

Tim nearly tripped over his own feet, only just catching himself, and bit down hard on his tongue in order to hold himself together as he pulled a smoke bomb from his belt and switched his mask’s lenses to thermal. Jason continued rambling nonsensically, but Tim tuned him out, pulling the pin on the smoke bomb and rolling it into the lit portion of the basement as clouds of white smoke billowed out of it, quickly filling the air. Not wasting a moment, Tim darted into the smoke and sliced through the ropes holding Jason, hauling the larger man up and half-dragging, half-carrying him out of the lit portion of the basement and towards the stairs. Jason was still mumbling incoherently, clearly drugged to hell and back, and Tim swore in every language he knew, then paused and slung Jason into a fireman’s carry, cursing the fact that Jason was so fucking  _ massive _ and all muscle. He lugged Jason up the stairs, hearing Muratov and his lackey shouting, and, throwing subtlety to the wind, booted the front doors of the lab open, hauling Jason out to the motorcycle he had ridden. The alarms began blaring and Tim manhandled Jason onto the bike behind him, zip-tying Jason’s wrists around his waist so Jason wouldn’t fall off the bike. Jason snuggled up against Tim, nuzzling Tim’s neck, and Tim tried to fight back his blush as he started driving.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time they reached the house and Tim had them safely hidden in the garage, Jason had progressed to kissing Tim’s neck and muttering about how pretty Tim was. Tim cut the zip-ties around Jason’s wrists and, as Jason’s hand moved towards Tim’s crotch, Tim captured it, scolding, “No. You are in no condition to give consent.”

Jason whined, but kept his hands above the belt as Tim dragged him into the house and up to the spare bedroom, where he pushed Jason into the desk chair and ordered, “Stay there.”

Jason pouted, but stayed put as Tim retrieved a vial to take a blood sample. He obediently offered his arm to Tim when he saw what Tim was holding and Tim took the blood sample, praising, “Good job, Jay.”

Jason preened at the praise, looking adorably pleased, and Tim set the blood sample running before turning back to Jason and suggesting, “Let’s get you into something more comfortable, Jay.”

Jason nodded and Tim reached out to carefully undo the catches on Jason’s shattered helmet, pulling it off and dumping it into the trash can. Then he retrieved the mask adhesive’s solvent and used a clean tissue to gently rub the solvent around the edges of the mask, allowing him to peel it off and set it aside. Jason’s pupils were blown concerningly wide, black almost completely swallowing up the teal, and Tim frowned in concern as he carefully cleaned up the blood and cuts on Jason’s face. Then he took a deep breath and requested, “I’m gonna go grab you some clean clothes, alright, Jay? I need you to stay right here for me. Can you do that?”

Jason nodded, looking at Tim adoringly, and Tim headed out of the room, hurrying to the bedroom and grabbing his and Jason’s pajamas before heading back. Jason was still in the desk chair when Tim returned, looking blissed out, and Tim wasted no time helping Jason undress and redress in his pajamas. Once Jason was in his pajamas, Tim changed into his own pajamas and checked the computer as it beeped to tell him it was finished running Jason’s blood test. Tim frowned at the results, which led to Jason reaching out with a clumsy, uncoordinated hand to poke Tim’s cheek, mumbling something Tim couldn’t even begin to parse. Tim grabbed his hand to stop the poking and Jason gave a pleased noise, linking their fingers. Tim’s face felt hot and he squirmed, then sighed and looked at the results again, stating, “Nothing to do but let you sleep it off. Shit, tonight is gonna suck ass.”

He helped Jason up and guided him into the bedroom, helping Jason into the bed and tucking him in. Then he grabbed the trash can from the bathroom, just in case, and ran downstairs to grab a couple cans of energy drinks before grabbing his own phone to set an alarm for every two hours. Jason squirmed under the blankets when Tim returned and reached out to snatch Tim’s hand, tugging on it and mumbling, “‘S bedtime, Baby Bird.”

The stupid nickname made Tim’s cheeks flush hot and he moved to sit against the headboard, answering, “Sorry, Jay, but I’m not getting any sleep tonight. Someone’s gotta keep an eye out and make sure you don’t choke to death on your own vomit.”

Jason pouted, then started to sit up. Tim pushed him back down, gently, and Jason pouted more aggressively, mumbling, “I wanna goodnight kiss.”

Tim raised an eyebrow, then answered, “Will you go to sleep if I give you a goodnight kiss?”

“Mhm.”

Tim rolled his eyes and leaned down to press a kiss to the corner of Jason’s mouth, earning a pleased noise as Jason scooted to cuddle against Tim’s leg, plopping his head in Tim’s lap and dragging Tim’s hand to rest in his hair. Tim began running his fingers through Jason’s hair, gently working the tangles out of it, and Jason quickly dropped asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of Mission: Marriage!
> 
> Edit: Thanks to everyone who let me know I accidentally double posted this chapter and sorry to have gotten your hopes up!

Jason woke up with a hangover from Hell, his head pounding and his stomach roiling. He lifted his head slightly, wincing the whole time, then reached blindly to lift his pillow and hide his head under it. The motion earned a painfully adorable squeak from Tim, who promptly swatted Jason’s hands and scolded, “Hey, no, we talked about this! You’re in no condition to give consent! Quit trying to grab my butt!”

Jason jerked in surprise and pried his heavy eyes open, squinting at the blurry form leaning against the headboard and mumbling, “Tim? S’at you?”

There was a beat of silence, then Tim answered, “Yeah, it’s me. How’re you feeling, Jason?”

Jason dropped his head back down into what he belatedly realized was Tim’s lap and brought one arm up to drape over his eyes as he muttered, “Like shit. Wha’ happened?”

Tim’s fingers twitched where they were resting against Jason’s scalp and Tim was silent for a long moment before answering, “You got caught in the factory office and they dosed you with a new formula. I got you out, but you’re gonna have one hell of a headache, between the drug hangover and the concussion.”

Jason groaned and Tim hesitated for another moment before asking, “Do you- Do you remember _anything_ from last night?”

Jason mulled the question over, then finally answered, “I remember us having dinner, then… bits and pieces. I remember getting to the warehouse office and feeling really stupid for some reason, then waking up tied to a chair, then… nada.”

Tim fell silent again, his fingers playing with Jason’s curls almost absentmindedly, and Jason sighed contentedly at the touch, starting to drift back asleep. Then Tim stated, “I sent the footage from last night to O and she’s spent the last few hours contacting the proper authorities to shut the drug production down and apprehend the people responsible. Once you’ve recovered enough, we’re supposed to pack everything up and head back to Gotham.”

Jason gave a sleepy thumbs-up, then answered, “Sounds good. I should be fine in a day or two.”

Tim hummed thoughtfully and Jason added, “Don’t take this the wrong way, Baby Bird, but I kinda can’t wait for this to be over. I’m too Gotham for this. People are so smiley here and it’s freaking me the fuck out. Every time I have to put on that stupid Stepford-wife smile when I see the neighbors, I can feel part of my soul peel off and wither into dust.”

Tim snorted a laugh and answered, “You and me both, Jay. It’s too damn sunny. I feel like I’m being roasted alive every time I set foot outside.”

Jason sleepily reached up to grab Tim’s wrist, earning a surprised squeak as Jason ran his thumb over Tim’s wrist until he could find his pulse. Once he’d found it, he released Tim’s wrist and joked, “Well, you’ve got a pulse, so you must not be a vampire.”

Tim snorted, threading his fingers back through Jason’s hair as he commented, “Y’know, there’s actually a rumor in the Justice League that B’s a vampire. Barry started it as a joke, but apparently like half the League has taken it as fact.”

Jason laughed, moving his arm to peer up at Tim as he asked, “Seriously? Oh, man, that’s _gold_. We should totally fuck with the League. Send him up there with a thing of cranberry juice in a blood bag.”

Tim laughed brightly, making Jason’s internal organs feel all squirmy and warm, and answered, “Think he’d do it? He probably would, just to fuck with Hal.”

“You could totally blackmail him into it. Ooh, think I could convince them that I’m a vampire, too?”

Tim laughed again, replying, “I’ll take you out for as many chili dogs as you can eat if you can.”

“Better prepare your wallet then, rich boy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They returned to Gotham three days later, after watching as the cops arrived to arrest Daniel and Jessica for their connections to the fertilizer-drug-ring. Once they returned, Tim immediately got sucked into another case and Jason… 

Jason found himself missing Tim. He missed having the little nerd around, cracking jokes and making snarky comments, missed the way he always seemed to wake up with Tim curled up against him like a cat. Tim seemed to be avoiding him, for some reason, and, after several days of wondering if he had said something stupid while drugged out of his mind, Jason showed up at the Clocktower to ask a favor from Babs. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Babs stared at Jason like he was the single dumbest person on the planet, then put her head in her hands and sighed, “Jason. Are you seriously telling me you don’t know why Tim is being all weird and cagey with you?”

Jason shifted, feeling uncannily like he was 14 again and had just been caught smoking, then answered, “I don’t remember anything from that night, Babs, how the fuck am I supposed to know what I did to piss him off? Look, I just want to watch the footage so I can figure out what I need to apologize for.”

Babs was judgmentally silent for a long few seconds before she turned back to her computer, asking, “How are both of you _this godddamn stupid_? I know we joke that Duke is the only Batboy with any common sense, but _come on_. This is ridiculous.”

She pulled up a video clip and turned to stare at Jason pointedly as Tim’s voice came through, stating, “I liked it. I liked you kissing me. I liked you calling me Baby Bird. I like you, okay?”

Jason froze, brain glitching out, and after a few seconds of silence, Tim suddenly backpedalled, “Sorry, that was- I shouldn’t’ve- Forget I said anything!”

Jason stared at the screen, trying desperately to figure out if Tim was actually talking about Jason and if so, why he hadn’t admitted his own feelings, and Babs pulled up another video clip, of Jason himself, clearly drugged, babbling, “He’s my husband, but not really, but I _want_ him to be my really-husband, cause he’s all small and cute and smart and I just wanna… I just _really, really, really_ wanna hug him and kiss him and maybe fuck him. Or let him fuck me, I’m not picky.”

Babs paused the video clip, turning to glare at Jason, and stated, “Now that it’s been made abundantly clear that you two are both oblivious, get out of my Clocktower and go admit your feelings to him.”

Jason squirmed, opening his mouth to protest that Tim deserved better, but Babs cut him off by chucking her bat-shaped stress ball at his face and ordered, “Out. Go. And fair warning, if you _don’t_ go tell him that you like him, I’ll get Dick involved.”

“Oh god, please don’t.”

“Then go tell him, you wimp.”

Jason pouted at Babs, but retreated, whining, “You got mean, Barbie.”

“I will send the video of you stealing the Batmobile to Bruce, Jay, don’t think I won’t.”

Jason hastily left and, upon checking the time, pointed his bike towards Tim’s apartment. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason slipped in through Tim’s apartment window and was promptly serenaded by the lovely voice of Taylor Swift singing about how she was the right girl for a guy. Jason barely resisted the urge to laugh at the sheer cliché of it all and walked over to where Tim was bundled up in blankets and tucked into the corner of his couch like a little couch burrito, planting a hand on Tim’s chest to pin him against the arm of the couch when Tim started trying to get up and stating, “So, I just got back from the Clocktower. Had a nice little chat with Babs about what went down in Metropolis.”

Tim blushed and shrank down in his burrito, muttering, “Look, I get it, you don’t feel the same and that’s okay, I know you can do better and-”

“Shut your damn mouth for a minute, Baby Bird. I like you, but I never said anything because I figured you were boning the Super-Clone. Now that I know you’re not and know that you like me, will you go out to dinner with me? As a date? A _romantic_ date?”

Tim blinked owlishly for a moment, then squeaked, “Wait, you- You actually like me? Like, romantically like me?”

“Y’know, Baby Bird, I thought I was dumbass for not figuring out that you liked me, but this is something else. Yes, romantically, you adorable idiot!”

Tim blushed and, before Jason could do anything else, Tim’s hand was grabbing the front of Jason’s shirt and dragging him down to kiss him. 

“I’d love to go on a romantic date with you, Jay.”

Jason just grinned and kissed Tim again.


End file.
